5-yr old: “Mom, don’t you wish there was a machine so you would never have to clean the house again and again?”
Mom: “Yes, I would love that! Why don’t you starting building one?”
5-yr old: “Mom! I can’t do that! I don’t even have any blueprints!”
My Mom and my younger brother Corby, age 6, were talking one morning as Corby got ready for school. My Mom held up Corby’s shoes and said, “Corby, come over here bud, let’s get your shoes on.” Corby frowned, and answered, “Mom! I’m not a bud, I’m a full-grown tree!”
My four year old: “Look what I spelled!” <pause>… “What did I spell?”
I showed my five-year-old a picture of her nineteen-year-old cousin Anthony on Facebook to show her his new, very short, haircut. She ran out to the patio to tell her mom:
“Mom, Cousin Anthony got a haircut. Dad showed me a picture of him with two hot girls!”
Wife, to my 8-year-old daughter: “You’re so much like I was when I was your age! I was a tomboy, too.”
Daughter: “What? Don’t call me a boy!”
Wife: “No—that’s not what it means; I just mean you’d rather do sports and weary sporty clothes than do ballet and wear pink dresses. Me, too.”
Daughter: “Oh, that… yeah, sometimes I hate being a girl. Except…”
Wife: “Except?”
Daughter: “Except I’m glad I don’t have all that boy-junk down there… that’s just weird.”
Secret Service Agent (on the new Doctor Who series): Are you alright ma’am ?
4 yo son: She’s not a man !!!
I put on an old, black and white, Popeye cartoon for my boys. My three year old looked at the colorless tv for a few seconds, and then turned and says “It’s broke!”
As we were driving, my son exclaimed, “A Spider Ambulance!”
Quite curious, of course, we turned to look at what he was talking about. It was an exterminator van with a big spider painted on it.
4yo: I don’t want to work in an office. I want to be a shopkeeper. Mummy, what does a shopkeeper do if they want to go to the toilet?
Mummy: There’s usually 2 shopkeepers so one goes while the other one waits, and then the other one goes.
4yo: I’m rubbish at waiting
A little boy, after being shouted at by his mom (sitting sadly)
Dad asked : “What happened son?”
Kid : ”Dad, I can’t handle your wife anymore! I want my own wife!”